This Guy Is Life In The Early 21st Century

Last evening, upon returning from Friday mass, I was moved to pray for the fine people our great nation.

Not really. I got home super late last night, and it being Friday, I decided, “Fuck it. I’m going to insanely high anyway.”  So I did, and it’s legal here, so I’m not only a hero, I’m a great citizen.

So, a candy, a crazy potent brownie… (I’m not kidding. 500 mg THC brownie the size of 2/3 of a credit card. I have been nibbling it like a little mouse all week), a couple bowls of Animal Crackers weed (see the weekly review), AND infinite hits of the vape pen later (no half measures for this man)… I was super high.

I was so high that I decided to get on YouTube and watch/listen to old Fleetwood Mac songs. Old ones, from when they were a hard blues band, all the way to the fluff of the Rumours era. It was lovely. I dozed, I floated. I lucid dreamed Stevie Nicks vs the Green Manalishi… it was lovely. THEN the above  video played (the blessing/curse of autoplay) and I was ripped from revery, and faced with this guy.

Ok. Watch this video while you read this. This guy is so amazingly information rich…. it’s like Finnegan’s Wake on drums. Here’s why.

• His drum setup is insane. Look at all the cymbals.
• His drums seem wedged between a built in china cabinet and… another built in china cabinet?
• I don’t know how, but I am sure that his mom is no more than 10 feet away
• Little Lies? You’re going to live drum to an 80’s pop song from Fleetwood Mac? That’s your showpiece?
• He’s not great
• He’s not terrible
• He has shared this with the world.
• Half a million people have watched this
• Despite half a million in the audience, our man is obviously very alone (mom doesn’t count)
• We have only been able to share videos of ourselves doing shit like this for a few years. This is a new phenomenon.
• Sociology. This is. Read Bowling Alone.

Marvin Fleer, you are the shining exemplar of this day and age. You are the zeitgeist. Go forth and drum forever.

 

 

The Creative Process With Mark And Dale

Dale and I collaborate on our posts (which are now written on Movie Pilot, go there and look for us), and I use legal cannabis to help with creativity. Also I’m usually gaming while Dale is writing, so… it goes hand in hand.

This text fragment is a peek into the creative process. What is art? What is life? What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me.

Mighty Dale Behaves Oddly After Too Much Revelry

Unremembered Drinking Bodes Not Well

Dale apparently crafts items for gnomes when drunk

The handiwork of a skilled artisan.

Dale Went Off The Rails

Crafted Tools For The Wee Folk

I was texting with Mighty Dale, as I do, and as we were discussing current events, he texted this non sequitur (seen above):

uh oh

The top of the Jameson bottle is off and there is lots missing

It seems that after his traditional Friday night revelries, Mighty Dale decided to keep the party going once he got home. My tastes in revelry differ from Dale’s, as I lean more towards the wonders of legal weed. Dale loves the sweet sweet whiskey. To each his own.

What makes this interesting is the assortment of little knick knacks and gadgets drunk Dale crafted, out of duct tape, while wasted. Even when three sheets to the wind, our Dale is always creating, and that is… an Artist.

Marijuana is Legal Here

I Live In Oregon

Weed is Sold in Stores

 

Last night Dale and I were texting, as we do, and he said he was bored. I had just smoked some high THC sativa (Durban Poison to be precise), and I had lots of ideas with which Dale could occupy himself. 

He did none of these things. Wise choice.

Mighty Dale Goes To The Dentist

Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry

The Day Before Christmas Eve

He Was… Mighty

Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment

Everything Dale Does Is Epic

Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth

Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.

He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.

As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.

GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins. 

Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power

Hockey – A more specifically focused power. 

Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment. 

 

He needed fillings

Dale is big on drama

this is why I gave you the glossary

See? It’s not so bad

VICTORY

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

 

Gaze Into The Abyss – No Good TV Until January

Slim Pickins Until Late January

December is a TV Graveyard

There is no hope. You know it. I know it. Mighty Dale knows it. The only force moving my fingers on this keyboard is duty. I must use my remaining strength to leave a message to those that follow, those who have the fortitude to last until late January for shows like:

• Supernatural
• The Walking Dead
• The Flash
• Arrow

It Gets Worse

The shows above have abandoned us, but they will return, like Papa after a long bender. They’ll be back with fried chicken and a movie from Redbox. Some, however, are like mama. They just left with only a nicotine stained kiss that you barely remember, because you were asleep. Here are the fuckers who just bailed.

• You’re The Worst – Season 2 is over.
• South Park – Season 19 is over.

Sunbeams are just God pissing on us all

The most despicable of all teasing whores is yet to come. Game of Thrones, that hot girl who lived with you for a few weeks last year, and  was the filthiest, sluttiest, dirty talkingest chick in the whole world. Where every night was a threesome with her even hotter friend? Yeah. Then she bounced with your Xbox and your brother’s ashes…. yeah. That’s Game of Thrones. That bitch will be back in April. Right after you can look yourself in the mirror again and say that it’s gonna be ok. She’ll be back and she’ll pierce your dick with her vampire fangs, and you’ll love it.

I know there’s one episode of Z Nation left, but that’s like having one beer in the fridge. Ash vs Evil Dead can’t do it alone, even though it’s great. It’s only half an hour long, and once a week. That’s like …. I can’t even come up with a simile. It’s not enough. It just isn’t. I’m going to start listening to Adele I guess. Fuck it.

Might as well just watch NCIS, or JAG, or … shit I don’t know. Cooking shows, I guess. There’s a shit load of them. That big headed chick with the tits is hot… I guess…. I’m going to lay down for a awhile. Wake me next month.

MiniFig Flying Hellfish Reunion

The newspaper and fish bowl make it.

Lego Simpsons

Minifigs From My Friend

My friend Adam came home today and just handed these to me. “Merry Christmas!” he said. I was elated. Not just at the surprise gifts, but at the details.

I am an old Gen X dude. I remember the Simpsons when they were fucking funny. Yes. Back in my day. I know. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

This was my profile pic on Facebook for awhile.

Old Man Yells At Cloud

Abe Simpson holds a newspaper that says, ‘Old Man Yells At Cloud’ with his picture. Brilliant. The faces are super perfectly detailed. I am not a Lego person, being an adult male, but these are cool as hell.

Three Eyed Fish & Plutonium Rod

Mr. Burns is another winner. The little fishbowl is so tiny yet so detailed. Mighty Dale lost his shit when I sent him the pic of my prizes. Apparently they hold some appeal to people. It’s ok. They’re not going anywhere.

They have become… precious… to me.

Stop Thinking With Your Dick

South Park Is The Cassandra Of Our Time

The Wisdom Of South Park

Season 19 of South Park is shaking things up. That’s no surprise since South Park is often about social issues. The episode where Cartman cooked Scott Tennerman’s parents was about anti-vaxxers, for instance.

I made that screen grab from last night’s episode, featuring Jimmy and former anchormen vs advertising. It sounds dumb and it is, but it also isn’t, because of the wisdom above.

She d-d-doesn’t know she’s an ad, does she?

Jimmy starts rationalizing the existence of ads in human form, because he likes one of them. She’s cute. So the anchormen try to bring him back to his sense by saying, “You’re thinking with your dick. Stop thinking with your dick.” Yes. If we can all stop thinking with our dick, or lady dick as it were, then we could all be free of the constant barrage of neurolinguistic programming to which we’re subjected. Here endeth the lesson. Penus.

Mighty Dale Ventures South

Yes, ladies, he’s single.

Dale Braves Florida

AKA Purgatory

Our beloved Dale has been in Florida for the Thanksgiving holidays, which is reasonable, since his family is from Alberta, Canada. I do not understand the ways of our neighbors to the north. I do know they’re all born with tails.

We kept in touch, Dale and I, as we are wont to do, and during his time in the Wilderness, he was cajoled into drinking an old lady chinese restaurant foo foo drink.

Why? Well it’s made with 10 kinds of alcohol, and served in a tiki cup that holds 4oz, comes with an umbrella. Mighty Dale succumbed to peer pressure and drank this hideous concoction. He also ate the famous Florida Lasagna, twice.

Here is the tale in his own words. Pray for him.

The paper umbrella means it’s classy.

Dale will return to Gotham tomorrow (Monday), and then he’ll get busy on his next blog post…whatever that will be.

Tonight is the Walking Dead mid-season finale. So we will not know if Carl survives, Glenn makes it back and/or reunites with Maggie, if Alexandria survives, if the Wolves attack, if Father Gabriel likes calamari, if the lesbian doctor gets some more, if Carol carols with Carl… it will be a huge nail biting hour of frustration. See you then. 🙂

The Story of David Morse: Shithead Drummer

My friend Adam told me this story, about fifteen minutes ago. Legal marijuana was involved. I typed it up on my phone, as he was speaking. It’s gold.

In the three months I was kinda in a band, we were playing in the garage and Danny Morse, our shithead drummer, gets up from his kit, to go to the bathroom.

He comes back holding a stack of coffee filters, in one hand, out in front of him.
He said, “I shit in this. Let’s go rub it on a pay phone.”

So we drive to the nearest Payphone, which was like fifteen miles away (this is in rural Oregon, Willamette Valley). We’re all in this 1960’s Dodge van, with this fresh turd, and we get to the Plaid Pantry, and he just picks up the handset and just smooshes it in the shit, and hangs it back up.

He was holding it exactly like this.