Mighty Dale Goes To The Dentist

Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry

The Day Before Christmas Eve

He Was… Mighty

funny texts humor lol

Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment

Everything Dale Does Is Epic

Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth

Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.

He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.

As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.

GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins. 

Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power

Hockey – A more specifically focused power. 

Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment. 


mark and dale funny texts humor lol

He needed fillings

humor lol funny iMessage iPhone texts dentits

Dale is big on drama

wtf lol humor funny

this is why I gave you the glossary

humor xanax

funny texts

See? It’s not so bad

humor lol funny shit


Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.



Tomb Raider Update: There Is No Candy

Lara Croft: Rise Of The Tomb Raider

Midgame Update

video game reviews humorous



Sometimes I Drive Dale Mad.

The Candy Is A Lie

Dale and I are chums, and as good chums do, Dale and I text often. In this case Dale was playing the new Tomb Raider, about which we have already written.

Dale is understandably wary of descending into a cave because as he wrote, the mercenaries that preceded him are getting massacred. Being a supportive friend, I postulate that perhaps there is candy in the cave.

It gives him the incentive to carry on and sally forth to his certain doom sure delight. Then, because I am sometimes a dick, I just run with the whole candy thing. Why? Because the all caps rage induced outburst that follows made me laugh.

In any case this shall serve as a placeholder until mighty Dale finishes the game and can pronounce his judgement for one and all, to hear and obey.

Two Gentlemen At Leisure Discussing Matters Of Small Import

texts lol humor

Kate is Mark’s ex so that was awkward

hilarious texts sms lol

Have you watched You’re The Worst? It’s hilarious. Do it.

friends texting

Bruce Campbell. He’s awesome

fargo tv ronald reagan

Hail to the chief, baby

Mark: I don’t give a fuck, dipping your fries in your [milk]shake is awful, and inhuman. Hang your head(s) in shame. Do something awesome like heroin instead [Don’t do heroin kids. It’s bad because it’s so awesome].

Dale: Mark enjoys

Mark: I do. That last one was me. I was gonna tweet it but [the] last time I was myself on Twitter, people contacted [my ex] and asked if I was ok.

Dale: You’re just a special fellow, friend.

Mark:  I know. I am just shy of being a talent, so I’m a …. special fellow.

Dale: No, friend. You are not a talent. You are a treasure. [Awww, Dale. You’re so nice]

Mark: Awwww, that’s so nice, it makes me want heroin. 🙂  [Mark deals with praise by deflecting]

Dale:  Yes. I rematch the Craig/Tweek [Yaoi] South Park episode. It makes me all fuzzy. Soon I’ll return to You’re the Worst [The Mark was watching during this conversation] and become a scumbag again.

Mark: Lovely. I just scratched my back with a fork. I will watch another episode. [Always a gentleman]

Dale: I use my Halloween Wolverine claws for my back [Do not forget that humans are domesticated apes]. Tonight. Fargo. Bruce Campbell as President Reagan.

Mark: No. Way.

Dale: Yes, friend. Soon I will watch.