Supernatural – Golden Girls And Dick Jokes

golden girls humor supernatural winchester mildred

Let’s get that poncho off and start oiling the old glove.

Supernatural Review

Into The Mystic

Mildred. Her name was Mildred. She was a sunny, sexy, senior in Oak Park Retirement Home. Although her name implies that she is a Confederate widow of dour countenance, she is actually pretty and sparkly, and totally doable. Ah, Mildred. Dean should have given you the old Blanche Deveraux (which is 2 parts Blanche DuBois to 1 part Vivian Vance). That may not make sense, but neither does Supernatural. If you get anywhere near it with a critical eye, you immediately start bashing your head against the wall, like the victims in tonight’s episode </segue> which is entitled “Into The Mystic” because, fuck it… Van Morrison is Irish, kinda, and banshees are Irish, or Scottish… whatever. I digress.

supernatural viagra banshee dean joke

Agent Osbourne tells a dick joke.

Agents Osbourne and Butler

The monster of this week is a Banshee. Check your Supernatural bingo card, and if you have Banshee, you win a nonexistent toaster (one winner per household. No habla Sumerian). The episode opens on the Irish moor of yore (30 years yore anyway), where we see a young father of a baby doting upon same.
Door opens mom comes home, happy family, dancing, laughing… banshee. Dad hears a terrible shrieking sound (no, not Metal Machine Music, although nice reference), loses his shit, bashes his head against the wall, while mom books it to the kitchen, where she earnestly gathers a bunch of things that will be used to banish the Banshee. Bansheegone. Banishes banshees beautifully. Buy some now.
Mom isn’t quick enough, Dad dies of self inflicted cranial trauma, and a scary floaty witchy specter appears, and starts consuming dad’s braaaaaaains. Mom finally gets all the shit for the spell, and proceeds to open her arm and bleed out, when all she needed to was slice her palm. Bad judgement in the heat of the moment. She somehow bleeds out in moments, even though that’s not what would happen in real… no no we don’t do that. Anyway, banshee is banished in a flash, dad’s dead and mom dies shortly thereafter. Baby cries, bereft of family. An orphan. And, scene.

30 Years Later

Sam is moping around the bunker, consumed with guilt over not trying to save Dean when he was trapped in Purgatory. Remember that with the vampire from the Bi-you?

Lucifer got in Sam’s head and Dean tries to distract Sam with a case. Luckily there’s one only 15 minutes away. Lucifer ex Machina, indeed.

So detectives Osbourne and Butler (Black Sabbath reference) go to the nicest old folks home in the world, to investigate a possible monster.

Upon arrival at the retirement home the boys upgrade the possible monster to definite banshee.

The victim (Harold) was in a locked room and bashed his own brains out, while screaming, “Get it out of my head!”

No, he wasn’t talking about Ice Ice Baby (although that’s now in your head). The sinister banshee emits a shriek that’s only heard by the intended victim. We learned this when the banshee took her next victim, the manager of the retirement home. He was speaking with the GMILF-y Mildred when he did the old, “Get it out of my head” bit before smashing through a window, and falling to his death. Mildred saw the banshee feed upon the brains of the decedent.  Banshee looks up and sees Mildred. Uh oh. Now we know who’s next.

supernatural tv show review banshee sam and deaf hunter

Gotcha, Motherfucker (but not quite as distinct)

A Nice Choice

While investigating the death of Andrew (the second guy who died) Sam interviews Marlene, a maid who is deaf. Why does that matter? It doesn’t really, but it’s a cool direction for the show to take. Turns out (spoiler) she’s a hunter. In fact she’s the baby in the crib at the start of the show (from 30 years ago). The banshee made her deaf, but she was rescued by an Irish hunter, who raised her, and trained her in the ways of hunting. She’s down a major sense and she still kicks ass. Turns out (while chatting w/ Sam) that her late grandfather was a Man of Letters, which makes her a Legacy.  Very cool. Could they be setting up the groundwork for a spin off?

Now we have three hunters on the case. You may notice that Marlene is wielding a gold blade (she’s threatening Sam because she thought he and Dean were Banshees due to lip reading and context). That’s what kills banshees. In this scene Dean has popped back to the bunker to get some gold blades. While he’s there he runs into….

castiel lucifer dean men of letters bunker amara darkness

Oh Dean, Casifer is gonna use you to get Amara.

Casifer Rising

Castiel, who is possessed by Lucifer (we’ll call them Casifer), is at the Men of Letters bunker looking for clues on how to tackle the Darkness, because he obviously has no idea. I love Cas playing Lucifer playing Cas. I got bored with Castiel seasons ago, but this is great.

Dean confides to Casifer that he is drawn to Amara and the pull is getting stronger. Casifer files that tidbit away in his “Use this to screw Dean over” folder, and then we’re back to the banshee jamboree. As stays behind.

Dean is introduced to Marlene (it’s not her real name but I couldn’t quite hear it so Marlene it is) and then he, Marlene, and Sam work to protect Mildred from the impending Banshee. The girls objectify the boys in a way that if that tables were turned, all the SJWs on Tumblr would explode and coat the earth with self righteous slime. Anyhow, the girls think the boys are cute. Mildred openly comes on to Dean, who begs off. Why? Because he’s decent? No. Mildred susses it out. It’s because he’s SMITTEN with the DARKNESS. This is known as foreshadowing. It means you cast four shadows, like if you were on Tatooine (nerd rage in 3,2,1…)

The banshee comes but…. it’s Dean who is the target! Chaos, bleeding eyes, “get it out of my head”, smash smash.. then…. teamwork as Mildred uses her blood to charge the sigil which binds the banshee. Banshee gets ganked by Marlene, and scene.

Takeaways

There are a few things that were revealed/alluded to in this episode that bear closer examination.

  • Dean is increasingly drawn to Amara, not unlike the call of the Mark of Cain from last season. He’s gonna bounce soon. Probably in time for the cliffhanger season finale.
  • Casifer is fishing for ways to deal with Amara. Not because he is true to his word, but because if she destroys everything, that will include him. Casifer will use Dean somehow to draw out Amara.
  • There are now 3 legacy Men of Letters. I bet there are talks about a spinoff regarding the MoL, or at least they’re testing the waters.
  • Only you can prevent forest fires, so stop starting forest fires.
  • This joke (below)
supernatural dean winchester

Nicely done, Dean.

I really liked this episode, from the dick joke, to the deaf hunter, to sweet ass Mildred, to Casifer. It worked the way it should. No Crowley, Rowena, Angels, Heaven, any of that tired old noise. Just the brothers fighting monsters. And Casifer doing his thing. Good times. Can’t wait for next week.

Supernatural Returns This Week

supernatural cw winchesters season 11 january 2016

“I got a Sam!”

The Wait Is Over

Sam Vs Lucifer: Cage Match

Thank Christ the long wait is over. We’ve been without (many) good shows since mid December, and no tv and no sex make Mark something something. Aya Cash (Gretchen from You’re The Worst) gave me a list of shows to watch in the meantime, but I am glad my shows are coming back.

Supernatural is coming this Wednesday January 20th, and will (hopefully) let us know what happened once Sammy got in the Cage with Lucifer. I predict happiness and good things. I”m usually right about these things. We already know that Bobby is making a return this season, so things are definitely looking good for the rest of Season 11.

Supernatural dropped a hilarious promo for their return. Crowley and his (hot) mom opening presents around the tree. Adorable. “I got a Sam!”  says lil’ Crowley to the milfy red-nosed Rowena.

I love that this show is funny, and doesn’t take itself seriously. It’s what makes the show worth watching for 11 seasons. Thanks Ben Edlund for instilling humor in the franchise.

I imagine Mighty Dale will write a nice review of the new episode, so keep your eyes open for that. Are you going to watch?

Bobby Returns

 supernatural bobby rufus cw winchesters 

Supernatural News

Bobby and Rufus To Return

Good news everybody! Supernatural mainstay, and original cast member, Bobby Singer, will be returning for an episode in season 11.

 He’ll be bringing Rufus with him. We don’t know much about the episode as of yet, but what we do know is that it’s a time travel episode. Sam and Dean will be returning to some time in the past to investigate something Bobby and Rufus had been working on sometime in season 5. 

That’s great for a few reasons. First and foremost being that we get Bobby back,but we also get to go back to the time when the show was at its peak. Showrunners have also said there will be a lot of great call backs in the episode. Hopefully it leads to something big and is an arc episode. Nobody wants a Bobby return for a monster of the week episode. Judging by the promo images we’ll be getting an episode with Sam, Dean and Cas all stuck in the cage with Lucifer. That’s… Just badass.

So there’s a lot to look forward to going into the second half of the season.
tumblr_mfmp77VOzv1rhwcdeo1_500

Gaze Into The Abyss – No Good TV Until January

december sucks for tv

Slim Pickins Until Late January

December is a TV Graveyard

There is no hope. You know it. I know it. Mighty Dale knows it. The only force moving my fingers on this keyboard is duty. I must use my remaining strength to leave a message to those that follow, those who have the fortitude to last until late January for shows like:

    • Supernatural
    • The Walking Dead
    • The Flash
    • Arrow

It Gets Worse

The shows above have abandoned us, but they will return, like Papa after a long bender. They’ll be back with fried chicken and a movie from Redbox. Some, however, are like mama. They just left with only a nicotine stained kiss that you barely remember, because you were asleep. Here are the fuckers who just bailed.

    • You’re The Worst – Season 2 is over.
    • South Park – Season 19 is over.

Sunbeams are just God pissing on us all

The most despicable of all teasing whores is yet to come. Game of Thrones, that hot girl who lived with you for a few weeks last year, and  was the filthiest, sluttiest, dirty talkingest chick in the whole world. Where every night was a threesome with her even hotter friend? Yeah. Then she bounced with your Xbox and your brother’s ashes…. yeah. That’s Game of Thrones. That bitch will be back in April. Right after you can look yourself in the mirror again and say that it’s gonna be ok. She’ll be back and she’ll pierce your dick with her vampire fangs, and you’ll love it.

I know there’s one episode of Z Nation left, but that’s like having one beer in the fridge. Ash vs Evil Dead can’t do it alone, even though it’s great. It’s only half an hour long, and once a week. That’s like …. I can’t even come up with a simile. It’s not enough. It just isn’t. I’m going to start listening to Adele I guess. Fuck it.

Might as well just watch NCIS, or JAG, or … shit I don’t know. Cooking shows, I guess. There’s a shit load of them. That big headed chick with the tits is hot… I guess…. I’m going to lay down for a awhile. Wake me next month.

Hello Darkness my old Friend

Image courtesy of Laura Nickelle

Image courtesy of Laura Nickelle

Supernatural Season 11

Darkness Darkness

Ladies and gentleman, Supernatural is back, and damn does it feel good. This is one of my favorite times of year. NYC is beautiful in fall, the weather gets nice and cool, the NHL season starts and epic weeks of TV return.

So, we last saw Sam and Dean sitting in their impala waiting to get engulfed by The Darkness, who inexplicably winds up being a hot woman. She sweeps Dean away to safety, giving Sam the shaft. Overall this episode felt like good, old school Supernatural, which is great because the last few seasons have been catering to the tween crowd. This gave it epic ratings, but dumbed it down immensely.

Fear not,  even the coveted humor returned in the Season 11 premiere.  Supernatural has always done humor so well, especially during the Ben Edlund (The Tick) years. Naturally there were some weak elements, Cas’s story line never really landed, but for the most part this felt like a return to form for the once great show.

1056

Let’s talk about some of the aspects that made this episode great. Crowley smoking out and into the body of a kinky woman just before an orgy was hilarious, especially since he didn’t call for help from his fellow demons until after the orgy.  We all knew he wasn’t going to stay in that female meat suit forever. Eric Kripke and company would never risk losing the brilliant Mark Sheppard. Catching up with Crowley is always fun but he usually seems to be one step ahead of everybody so it was fun to the king of hell so out of sorts.

tv-supernatural-crowley-mark-sheppard

Me too, Crowley. Me too.

The Winchester Boys

The big triumph in this episode was Sam and Dean’s arc. Those two have been keeping secrets, and fucking one another over, for a few years now. This has resulted in a sharp decline in the quality of the show (that and catering to fangirls who think the boys are super dreamy), but now they seem to be more or less on the same page.

The Winchesters work best as a team, and when they coordinate there are very few situations they can’t handle. The most satisfying thing was Sam and Dean’s moment of clarity about how they’ve been behaving. Those of us that remember the good old days of this show remember that they would always try to help people, whether that be exorcising demons from the possessed or locking up people with supernatural afflictions, until they could figure out how to fix it.

When did we forget how to do this?

They lost sight of that goal in recent years and began to, as Sam said, “shoot first and ask questions later, if at all.” This was a huge step for the show, and a step in the right direction. and it gets back some of the mojo.

Sam asks Dean, “When did we forget how to do this?” For a show that does meta so well this was clearly not just a question posed within the show,  but also a statement from the writers and show runners. It was a tacit admission that somewhere along the road so far they took a wrong turn, lost their way and dragged us all along with them. But guys, for those of us who stuck it out and tried our best to enjoy the ride, this might just be a signal of the turning of the tide, a clock spinning backwards to the good old times.

Bigger Brothers

Lucifer and Michael were mentioned, warning their supernatural ilk of the danger that is the Darkness, from their cage. These two were the only ones on the show who were around during the war between God and The Darkness, and could provide valuable information about it/her.  Not without being released from the cage first, so the stakes are as high as this show gets.

IMO, their best season was season 5, involving both Michael and Lucifer, so hopefully these two will be put into play further down the line, Lucifer can provide a certain mental trauma for Sam, as Sam was locked in the cage with Lucifer, and Dean and Michael are no fans of one another, but watching an uneasy alliance to fight The Darkness could prove to be a ton of fun and weave some great stories for this show going forward.