2016 Rises From The Ashes of 2015

happy new year 2016

Lame image but I didn’t want to look very hard.

The New Year Brings Ascension

For Mark And Dale

2015 was a rough year for me (Mark), divorce, moving, loss of job, all kinds of great shit. However, 2015 is over, and 2016 will be the year of fruition.

For one thing this blog is something in which both Dale and I are proud. We regularly read through all the posts (which you should do as well, or your nose will fall off), and we both agree that we really stand by this site.

Dale of the Dead was originally designed to be Dale writing about video games, shows, movies, and hockey. He does all that, but we quickly added things like some of the funny texts between us, and then I started writing as well. It seemed to work.

I have had blogs of one kind or another (some naughty even) since 2007, since I am old as fuck. They’re fun and if you work them hard, and smart, you can actually make something of them. They’re the 21st Century equivalent of having a band. You can fuck around in the garage with other dads (remember I’m old), or you can commit and put together something that you can take to the bars, clubs, and maybe even further.

2016 is our year to take things further. It’s the year in which we get our own URL (that’s a big one), write more, promote more, do more. Let’s see what this blog can do.

My wish for you all is to make 2016 the year in which you do what you wanna. If you’ve a dream unfulfilled, make it happen. Even if you fail spectacularly you’ll have the satisfaction of having tried. Regret sucks. It’s way worse than failure. Plus if you try there’s a chance, however remote, that you’ll succeed. If you do nothing, then nothing is what will happen.

So… positive thinking, everyone!

positive thinking

Right?

R.I.P. Lemmy – Killed By Death

lemmy kilmister motorhead dead

Death of an Archetype

Death Of A Titan

Motorhead Is No More

Metal icon and Motorhead frontman Lemmy died yesterday, aged 70. This should not surprise anyone, but it affected almost everyone. Lemmy was the top trending subject on Twitter yesterday, and is till in the top 5 a day later. That wouldn’t have mattered to Lemmy, but I think it’s incredibly telling. Twitter is not known for it’s high population of metalheads.

Lemmy’s death affected so many people not because of the loss of a metal god, but because he was Lemmy. A restrictive society like ours needs outliers like Lemmy, or Keith Richards, or Hunter Thompson. We need people to have fun for us, since so many of us can’t have fun ourselves. Someone has to live life for the rest of us, and Lemmy was one of those people.

marge simpson lemmy meme

anybody but lemmy

I never owned a Motorhead album, and I don’t think I know any of their songs, aside from Ace of Spades, but I was bummed to see that Lemmy is no more. He was an original. He was hilarious. He was wild. He was able to live a life being Lemmy, and people paid for that. Rest in Peace, Lemmy.

lemmy humor funny tweet

Deep wisdom from a master

Mighty Dale Goes To The Dentist

Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry

The Day Before Christmas Eve

He Was… Mighty

funny texts humor lol

Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment

Everything Dale Does Is Epic

Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth

Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.

He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.

As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.

GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins. 

Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power

Hockey – A more specifically focused power. 

Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment. 

 

mark and dale funny texts humor lol

He needed fillings

humor lol funny iMessage iPhone texts dentits

Dale is big on drama

wtf lol humor funny

this is why I gave you the glossary

humor xanax

funny texts

See? It’s not so bad

humor lol funny shit

VICTORY

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

 

Ash vs Evil Dead: Honey, I’m Home

ash vs evil dead at the cabin

“Honey, I’m home.”

Ash Returns To The Cabin

Not Alone

Ash Vs Evil Dead Stays Awesome

In episode 8 of season 1, our beloved Ash makes the return to the cabin where it all began. As you recall he ditched his crew after getting out the survivalist camp, fearing for their lives. Amanda followed him so he at least has backup. Ash attempts to dissuade her from helping, telling her, “Dontcha get it? Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death. Taxes. More death. And I don’t pay taxes so all I know is death.”

Ash vs Evil Dead keeps being awesome. That’s why we write about it.

Evil Dead Redux

Lots of Callbacks to the Evil Dead Movies

There’s no way to make this episode without comparison with the original Evil Dead movies. The show embraces that, making numerous references to the movies without being hamfisted. This episode felt like an extension of the movies, more than any other episode so far. Of course the cabin is a huge part of it, but the whole vibe, framing, and pacing match Sam Ramie’s films in a very accurate manner. It pulls you in wonderfully.

ash linda tool shed evil dead skull

“Long time no see, Linda. Don’t get up.”

Brutal Brutal Brutal

This episode is the most brutal yet, in many ways (it’s no diner fight). Poor Linda (played by what I assume is a New Zealander with a passable American accent) gets it again, and not the she wanted (dirty girl).
In a very Scooby Doo way Pablo and Kelly meet up with more New Zealand people in the woods. I get it. The show films in New Zealand so why hire Americans to fill bit part, when you can hire local. They were totally good. Kelly cockblocks Pablo. I guess she has feelings after all. Luck guy, Pablo. Now seal the deal. Kelly’s sexy as hell and I love her voice.

RIP Amanda

There’s lots of visceral mayhem. Ash and Linda. Evil Ash and Amanda, Evil Ash and Ash… it’s crazy. I guess I’m getting “brutal”  particularly from the manner in which Evil Ash murders Amanda. It’s rough, but also hilarious because of what he says in the image below. Perfect delivery. Right when you’re gutshot at Amanda’s violent end, Bruce Campbell delivers a zinger that’s already on a t-shirt somewhere, I’m sure.

ash vs evil dead amanda death

“Now that’s what I call cleavage.”

Kelly and Pablo To The Rescue

After Amanda eats it, Kelly and Pablo show up, only to see Good Ash with recently deceased Amanda. Words are spoken then Ash and Evil Ash have it out in a fight straight out of Mel Brooks. Two words. Soft balls.
We end with a cliffhanger, and one less hero on the team. I hope no one else dies this season. I’ve grown attached to Pablo and Kelly.
This show is fucking great, and it’s about the only thing that is, in this television wasteland.

Aya Cash’s Suggested Shows To Watch

Class act. I've watched most, but not all. Uma give em a shot.

Class act. I’ve watched most, but not all. Ima give em a shot.

You’re The Worst Star Tweets Me

To Help Me Through The Dark Time

If you’re one of our regular readers (either one of them really. Hi Anita! Dale’s a good boy. He eats his veggies) then you know that I wrote of the emptiness I feel since so many of my shows are between seasons.

Aya Cash, who is Gretchen on You’re The Worst, tweeted last night about watching The 100. I asked her to tweet what she thought of the show, as I need something to watch in this desolation. She not only replied to my tweet (which is a thrill because she seems to be awesome), but she gave me a list of shows to watch. Nice job. She even tweeted the twitter handles of the shows, which caused a mini flurry of likes and retweets that continue still. She’s friendly, helpful, and a good social media marketer.

Mighty Dale wrote about You’re The Worst not long ago, and I think that it’s safe to say that You’re the Worst has a staunch supporter in this blog. One day that will matter. Then the streets will run with blood and screams will fill the air.   As our blog grows we hope to be able to actually help the shows, and actors, we love. Until then we’re happy for the little things, like tweets from people like Aya Cash.

I think I’m going to give Veep a try first.

gretchen jimmy fx comedy

Follow Aya Cash on Twitter (click the banner )

Star Trek Beyond Trailer – In Depth Analysis

star trek beyond preview trailer

Star Wars Isn’t The Only Game In Town

Star Trek: Beyond

What The Trailer Tells Us

Watch First If You Haven’t Yet

Alright guys and girls, it happened. The highly anticipated, long awaited Star Trek: Beyond trailer has dropped. Now i’ll admit it here, I’m a Star Trek guy, always have been, when I was a kid I had a toy Enterprise. No Millennium Falcon for me.

The Trailer

Mighty Dale Speaks

So let’s talk about the new trailer shall we. Star Trek: Beyond is the first Star Trek movie to not be directed by JJ Abrams, who is busy with Star Wars. Star Trek: Beyond is directed by Justin Lin of Fast and Furious fame, and fuck me, does it show.

So we start off with “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys playing, reminiscent of the first movie as it was playing when we were first introduced to young James T Kirk.  So we have Justin Lin immediately trying to connect to the best film of the series thus far, ok. That’s fair.

We also see Scotty arriving what looks like the bridge of a ship that is not the Enterprise. Now, not only is Scotty on the bridge of this ship but so are Kirk, Spock, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura. This looks to be a ship that is not space born leading me to believe this is some crashed ship that the crew uses later in the film.

Enterprise Entropy

The next shot we see is the beloved USS Enterprise getting torn to shreds by some kind of space swarm. Are these manned ships? I don’t know.  They seem to have a swarming insect-like quality to them. This is immediately followed by wanton destruction, and Uhura and Scotty looking vexed. We then get a shot of Kirk’s reflection presumably in some sort of escape pod before we see the horrible sight of the USS Enterprise, the beautiful, mighty Enterprise getting DESTROYED……………..again.

WHY?!?!?!

Why can’t we just get a movie with the Enterprise and the Enterprise crew doing Star Trek stuff? Is that too much to ask? Apparently.

So we catch up with Kirk leaving his pod on some planet with the voiceover saying “We have no ship, no crew, I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one.”  It’s safe to assume the Enterprise has gone tits up and Kirk and Co. are trapped on a hostile planet. It also seems that they’ve all been scattered, Spock and Bones off somewhere together, Kirk on his own and Scotty in a dire cliff predicament. This is when the worst part of the trailer hits, apparently Starfleet training involves motocross, because that’s what we see Kirk doing, some kind of X Games jump on a motorcycle.

We then get our first look at Sophia Boutella as our nameless alien woman, and she seems to enjoy kicking the fuck out of bad guys, and using her staff (staffs are popular these days). There’s also a scene of what looks like San Francisco, where Starfleet is located, under attack by the very same swarm that attacked the Enterprise.

Not Again

God, I hope they don’t do another attack on Earth. We’ve seen that twice already. The crew has embarked on their 5 year mission into deep space. Enough with fucking Earth, please.

star-trek-beyond-trailer-030

Sophia Boutella in Star Trek: Beyond

We then see a lot of explosions and stunts some fighting and possibly a look at Idris Elba’s thus nameless villain, who is scaly and kind of looks like a rejiggered Ferengi, but I doubt it.

star-trek-beyond

Possibly Idris Elba’s unnamed baddie

Starfleet In Peril…Again

We then have a scene of Starfleet crew members being herded somewhere by our bad guys, with Uhura and Sulu look sufficiently terrified after seeing something horrible.This is immediately followed by a scene of Uhura screaming through a window, with a baddie behind her. Considering he hasn’t just killed her I imagine she’s being forced to watch something horrible happening to somebody she knows.

The final shot of the trailer is what I believe to be the immediate aftermath of Kirk’s motorcycle jump.  He is being beamed onto the decrepit ship we saw at the very beginning, and he grabs Sophia Boutella’s character mid air and they both beam together.

Startreck-635x321

Kirk grabbing Sophia Boutella mid beam

More Sizzle Than Steak

There’s not much in the trailer by way of plot, but there’s definitely more than a few hopes. Hopes that I can cling to. The main one being that they somehow take this movie off planet and back into space, with enough time to really make this a movie with spacecraft.

Sadly I think the Enterprise is done, or at least this Enterprise is down. If it stays as destroyed as it was when the crew abandoned it than there is no way they can continue their 5 year mission. However, one thing worth noting is that in the very beginning of the trailer, when it showed Kirk, Spock, Chekov, Scotty and Uhura on the bridge of a shitty looking ship, Spock is wearing a jacket with a Starfleet patch that says USS Franklin. It is my theory that the Franklin crash landed on that planet, and it’s the only escape for the Enterprise crew.

Now what we know about the USS Franklin is that it’s a Constitution Class Federation Starship, just like the Enterprise. Hopefully Kirk and Co. will be able to repair the it and get it in space, where it will become a new Enterprise. Or Justin Lin could just shit all over us, whatever. Happy Star Wars week, mother fuckers

star-trek-beyond-still-1

You see the patch on Spock’s arm that says USS Franklin

Dale’s Columbo Impression

One more stray observation. Alice Eve’s Carol Marcus seems to be nowhere in this trailer. What the fuck happened to her? She left with the Enterprise crew at the end of Into Darkness, which means she left with the Enterprise on their 5 year mission, so unless they dropped her ass somewhere along the way, I don’t see why she wouldn’t be here. It’s a mystery. I hope this movie doesn’t suck.

Mike Carey Writes Great Stuff

Mike carey author felix castor

Seriously, check him out.

Mike Carey

Writes Great Stories

I have been binge reading the books, and then the comics, of author Mike Carey, and I think you should as well. Mighty Dale and I discussed such above. huzzah.

Seriously, though, the Felix Castor books are absolutely top notch. Carey takes the template of his comic series Lucifer (which you should also read), and from it creates the world of British exorcist Felix Castor. It’s similar to both Constantine, and the Harry Dresden books, but of a higher order. The writing is very good, as well as the stories. Harry Dresden books are fun, but it’s not literature. The Felix Castor books run at a higher level, intellectually, while still being fun. Read them. Read them all.

Seriously. I am so glad I gave Mike Carey a try. He’s great.