Star Wars Isn’t The Only Game In Town
Star Trek: Beyond
What The Trailer Tells Us
Watch First If You Haven’t Yet
Alright guys and girls, it happened. The highly anticipated, long awaited Star Trek: Beyond trailer has dropped. Now i’ll admit it here, I’m a Star Trek guy, always have been, when I was a kid I had a toy Enterprise. No Millennium Falcon for me.
Mighty Dale Speaks
So let’s talk about the new trailer shall we. Star Trek: Beyond is the first Star Trek movie to not be directed by JJ Abrams, who is busy with Star Wars. Star Trek: Beyond is directed by Justin Lin of Fast and Furious fame, and fuck me, does it show.
So we start off with “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys playing, reminiscent of the first movie as it was playing when we were first introduced to young James T Kirk. So we have Justin Lin immediately trying to connect to the best film of the series thus far, ok. That’s fair.
We also see Scotty arriving what looks like the bridge of a ship that is not the Enterprise. Now, not only is Scotty on the bridge of this ship but so are Kirk, Spock, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura. This looks to be a ship that is not space born leading me to believe this is some crashed ship that the crew uses later in the film.
The next shot we see is the beloved USS Enterprise getting torn to shreds by some kind of space swarm. Are these manned ships? I don’t know. They seem to have a swarming insect-like quality to them. This is immediately followed by wanton destruction, and Uhura and Scotty looking vexed. We then get a shot of Kirk’s reflection presumably in some sort of escape pod before we see the horrible sight of the USS Enterprise, the beautiful, mighty Enterprise getting DESTROYED……………..again.
Why can’t we just get a movie with the Enterprise and the Enterprise crew doing Star Trek stuff? Is that too much to ask? Apparently.
So we catch up with Kirk leaving his pod on some planet with the voiceover saying “We have no ship, no crew, I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one.” It’s safe to assume the Enterprise has gone tits up and Kirk and Co. are trapped on a hostile planet. It also seems that they’ve all been scattered, Spock and Bones off somewhere together, Kirk on his own and Scotty in a dire cliff predicament. This is when the worst part of the trailer hits, apparently Starfleet training involves motocross, because that’s what we see Kirk doing, some kind of X Games jump on a motorcycle.
We then get our first look at Sophia Boutella as our nameless alien woman, and she seems to enjoy kicking the fuck out of bad guys, and using her staff (staffs are popular these days). There’s also a scene of what looks like San Francisco, where Starfleet is located, under attack by the very same swarm that attacked the Enterprise.
God, I hope they don’t do another attack on Earth. We’ve seen that twice already. The crew has embarked on their 5 year mission into deep space. Enough with fucking Earth, please.
Sophia Boutella in Star Trek: Beyond
We then see a lot of explosions and stunts some fighting and possibly a look at Idris Elba’s thus nameless villain, who is scaly and kind of looks like a rejiggered Ferengi, but I doubt it.
Possibly Idris Elba’s unnamed baddie
Starfleet In Peril…Again
We then have a scene of Starfleet crew members being herded somewhere by our bad guys, with Uhura and Sulu look sufficiently terrified after seeing something horrible.This is immediately followed by a scene of Uhura screaming through a window, with a baddie behind her. Considering he hasn’t just killed her I imagine she’s being forced to watch something horrible happening to somebody she knows.
The final shot of the trailer is what I believe to be the immediate aftermath of Kirk’s motorcycle jump. He is being beamed onto the decrepit ship we saw at the very beginning, and he grabs Sophia Boutella’s character mid air and they both beam together.
Kirk grabbing Sophia Boutella mid beam
More Sizzle Than Steak
There’s not much in the trailer by way of plot, but there’s definitely more than a few hopes. Hopes that I can cling to. The main one being that they somehow take this movie off planet and back into space, with enough time to really make this a movie with spacecraft.
Sadly I think the Enterprise is done, or at least this Enterprise is down. If it stays as destroyed as it was when the crew abandoned it than there is no way they can continue their 5 year mission. However, one thing worth noting is that in the very beginning of the trailer, when it showed Kirk, Spock, Chekov, Scotty and Uhura on the bridge of a shitty looking ship, Spock is wearing a jacket with a Starfleet patch that says USS Franklin. It is my theory that the Franklin crash landed on that planet, and it’s the only escape for the Enterprise crew.
Now what we know about the USS Franklin is that it’s a Constitution Class Federation Starship, just like the Enterprise. Hopefully Kirk and Co. will be able to repair the it and get it in space, where it will become a new Enterprise. Or Justin Lin could just shit all over us, whatever. Happy Star Wars week, mother fuckers
You see the patch on Spock’s arm that says USS Franklin
Dale’s Columbo Impression
One more stray observation. Alice Eve’s Carol Marcus seems to be nowhere in this trailer. What the fuck happened to her? She left with the Enterprise crew at the end of Into Darkness, which means she left with the Enterprise on their 5 year mission, so unless they dropped her ass somewhere along the way, I don’t see why she wouldn’t be here. It’s a mystery. I hope this movie doesn’t suck.