That Time Dale Played Hockey With The Old Spice Guy

mighty dale hockey weekend warriors 2012

Much hockey was played. My might increased.

Isaiah Mustafa vs Dale of the Dead

Played The Manliest of Games Together

Mighty Dale loves hockey, plays hockey, and is in fact the living avatar of hockey. He “is” hockey.  Being on the ice is a meditative practice not unlike the warrior monks of Shaolin.

Back in 2012 Dale’s played with the Weekend Warriors, which is too good for the NHL. Too good of shape, as Peter Griffin says. Well, the Weekend Warriors had as one of their members, the Old Spice Guy. Not Terry Crews (I’d love to see his crazy ass on the ice), but the genteel one, Isaiah Mustafa.

This is the only picture we have of that moment that was useable. The rest were too blurry. They played with such ferocity they warped time, like the Flash. This was a brief moment of respite.

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Mighty Dale Goes To The Dentist

Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry

The Day Before Christmas Eve

He Was… Mighty

funny texts humor lol

Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment

Everything Dale Does Is Epic

Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth

Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.

He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.

As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.

GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins. 

Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power

Hockey – A more specifically focused power. 

Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment. 

 

mark and dale funny texts humor lol

He needed fillings

humor lol funny iMessage iPhone texts dentits

Dale is big on drama

wtf lol humor funny

this is why I gave you the glossary

humor xanax

funny texts

See? It’s not so bad

humor lol funny shit

VICTORY

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

 

Gaze Into The Abyss – No Good TV Until January

december sucks for tv

Slim Pickins Until Late January

December is a TV Graveyard

There is no hope. You know it. I know it. Mighty Dale knows it. The only force moving my fingers on this keyboard is duty. I must use my remaining strength to leave a message to those that follow, those who have the fortitude to last until late January for shows like:

    • Supernatural
    • The Walking Dead
    • The Flash
    • Arrow

It Gets Worse

The shows above have abandoned us, but they will return, like Papa after a long bender. They’ll be back with fried chicken and a movie from Redbox. Some, however, are like mama. They just left with only a nicotine stained kiss that you barely remember, because you were asleep. Here are the fuckers who just bailed.

    • You’re The Worst – Season 2 is over.
    • South Park – Season 19 is over.

Sunbeams are just God pissing on us all

The most despicable of all teasing whores is yet to come. Game of Thrones, that hot girl who lived with you for a few weeks last year, and  was the filthiest, sluttiest, dirty talkingest chick in the whole world. Where every night was a threesome with her even hotter friend? Yeah. Then she bounced with your Xbox and your brother’s ashes…. yeah. That’s Game of Thrones. That bitch will be back in April. Right after you can look yourself in the mirror again and say that it’s gonna be ok. She’ll be back and she’ll pierce your dick with her vampire fangs, and you’ll love it.

I know there’s one episode of Z Nation left, but that’s like having one beer in the fridge. Ash vs Evil Dead can’t do it alone, even though it’s great. It’s only half an hour long, and once a week. That’s like …. I can’t even come up with a simile. It’s not enough. It just isn’t. I’m going to start listening to Adele I guess. Fuck it.

Might as well just watch NCIS, or JAG, or … shit I don’t know. Cooking shows, I guess. There’s a shit load of them. That big headed chick with the tits is hot… I guess…. I’m going to lay down for a awhile. Wake me next month.

Two Gentlemen At Leisure Discussing Matters Of Small Import

texts lol humor

Kate is Mark’s ex so that was awkward

hilarious texts sms lol

Have you watched You’re The Worst? It’s hilarious. Do it.

friends texting

Bruce Campbell. He’s awesome

fargo tv ronald reagan

Hail to the chief, baby

Mark: I don’t give a fuck, dipping your fries in your [milk]shake is awful, and inhuman. Hang your head(s) in shame. Do something awesome like heroin instead [Don’t do heroin kids. It’s bad because it’s so awesome].

Dale: Mark enjoys

Mark: I do. That last one was me. I was gonna tweet it but [the] last time I was myself on Twitter, people contacted [my ex] and asked if I was ok.

Dale: You’re just a special fellow, friend.

Mark:  I know. I am just shy of being a talent, so I’m a …. special fellow.

Dale: No, friend. You are not a talent. You are a treasure. [Awww, Dale. You’re so nice]

Mark: Awwww, that’s so nice, it makes me want heroin. 🙂  [Mark deals with praise by deflecting]

Dale:  Yes. I rematch the Craig/Tweek [Yaoi] South Park episode. It makes me all fuzzy. Soon I’ll return to You’re the Worst [The Mark was watching during this conversation] and become a scumbag again.

Mark: Lovely. I just scratched my back with a fork. I will watch another episode. [Always a gentleman]

Dale: I use my Halloween Wolverine claws for my back [Do not forget that humans are domesticated apes]. Tonight. Fargo. Bruce Campbell as President Reagan.

Mark: No. Way.

Dale: Yes, friend. Soon I will watch.