Much hockey was played. My might increased.
Isaiah Mustafa vs Dale of the Dead
Played The Manliest of Games Together
Mighty Dale loves hockey, plays hockey, and is in fact the living avatar of hockey. He “is” hockey. Being on the ice is a meditative practice not unlike the warrior monks of Shaolin.
Back in 2012 Dale’s played with the Weekend Warriors, which is too good for the NHL. Too good of shape, as Peter Griffin says. Well, the Weekend Warriors had as one of their members, the Old Spice Guy. Not Terry Crews (I’d love to see his crazy ass on the ice), but the genteel one, Isaiah Mustafa.
This is the only picture we have of that moment that was useable. The rest were too blurry. They played with such ferocity they warped time, like the Flash. This was a brief moment of respite.
Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry
The Day Before Christmas Eve
He Was… Mighty
Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment
Everything Dale Does Is Epic
Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth
Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.
He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.
As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.
GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins.
Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power
Hockey – A more specifically focused power.
Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment.
He needed fillings
Dale is big on drama
this is why I gave you the glossary
See? It’s not so bad
Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.
Slim Pickins Until Late January
December is a TV Graveyard
There is no hope. You know it. I know it. Mighty Dale knows it. The only force moving my fingers on this keyboard is duty. I must use my remaining strength to leave a message to those that follow, those who have the fortitude to last until late January for shows like:
- The Walking Dead
- The Flash
It Gets Worse
The shows above have abandoned us, but they will return, like Papa after a long bender. They’ll be back with fried chicken and a movie from Redbox. Some, however, are like mama. They just left with only a nicotine stained kiss that you barely remember, because you were asleep. Here are the fuckers who just bailed.
- You’re The Worst – Season 2 is over.
- South Park – Season 19 is over.
Sunbeams are just God pissing on us all
The most despicable of all teasing whores is yet to come. Game of Thrones, that hot girl who lived with you for a few weeks last year, and was the filthiest, sluttiest, dirty talkingest chick in the whole world. Where every night was a threesome with her even hotter friend? Yeah. Then she bounced with your Xbox and your brother’s ashes…. yeah. That’s Game of Thrones. That bitch will be back in April. Right after you can look yourself in the mirror again and say that it’s gonna be ok. She’ll be back and she’ll pierce your dick with her vampire fangs, and you’ll love it.
I know there’s one episode of Z Nation left, but that’s like having one beer in the fridge. Ash vs Evil Dead can’t do it alone, even though it’s great. It’s only half an hour long, and once a week. That’s like …. I can’t even come up with a simile. It’s not enough. It just isn’t. I’m going to start listening to Adele I guess. Fuck it.
Might as well just watch NCIS, or JAG, or … shit I don’t know. Cooking shows, I guess. There’s a shit load of them. That big headed chick with the tits is hot… I guess…. I’m going to lay down for a awhile. Wake me next month.
Kate is Mark’s ex so that was awkward
Have you watched You’re The Worst? It’s hilarious. Do it.
Bruce Campbell. He’s awesome
Hail to the chief, baby
Mark: I don’t give a fuck, dipping your fries in your [milk]shake is awful, and inhuman. Hang your head(s) in shame. Do something awesome like heroin instead [Don’t do heroin kids. It’s bad because it’s so awesome].
Dale: Mark enjoys
Mark: I do. That last one was me. I was gonna tweet it but [the] last time I was myself on Twitter, people contacted [my ex] and asked if I was ok.
Dale: You’re just a special fellow, friend.
Mark: I know. I am just shy of being a talent, so I’m a …. special fellow.
Dale: No, friend. You are not a talent. You are a treasure. [Awww, Dale. You’re so nice]
Mark: Awwww, that’s so nice, it makes me want heroin. 🙂 [Mark deals with praise by deflecting]
Dale: Yes. I rematch the Craig/Tweek [Yaoi] South Park episode. It makes me all fuzzy. Soon I’ll return to You’re the Worst [The Mark was watching during this conversation] and become a scumbag again.
Mark: Lovely. I just scratched my back with a fork. I will watch another episode. [Always a gentleman]
Dale: I use my Halloween Wolverine claws for my back [Do not forget that humans are domesticated apes]. Tonight. Fargo. Bruce Campbell as President Reagan.
Mark: No. Way.
Dale: Yes, friend. Soon I will watch.