This Guy Is Life In The Early 21st Century

Last evening, upon returning from Friday mass, I was moved to pray for the fine people our great nation.

Not really. I got home super late last night, and it being Friday, I decided, “Fuck it. I’m going to insanely high anyway.”  So I did, and it’s legal here, so I’m not only a hero, I’m a great citizen.

So, a candy, a crazy potent brownie… (I’m not kidding. 500 mg THC brownie the size of 2/3 of a credit card. I have been nibbling it like a little mouse all week), a couple bowls of Animal Crackers weed (see the weekly review), AND infinite hits of the vape pen later (no half measures for this man)… I was super high.

I was so high that I decided to get on YouTube and watch/listen to old Fleetwood Mac songs. Old ones, from when they were a hard blues band, all the way to the fluff of the Rumours era. It was lovely. I dozed, I floated. I lucid dreamed Stevie Nicks vs the Green Manalishi… it was lovely. THEN the above  video played (the blessing/curse of autoplay) and I was ripped from revery, and faced with this guy.

Ok. Watch this video while you read this. This guy is so amazingly information rich…. it’s like Finnegan’s Wake on drums. Here’s why.

• His drum setup is insane. Look at all the cymbals.
• His drums seem wedged between a built in china cabinet and… another built in china cabinet?
• I don’t know how, but I am sure that his mom is no more than 10 feet away
• Little Lies? You’re going to live drum to an 80’s pop song from Fleetwood Mac? That’s your showpiece?
• He’s not great
• He’s not terrible
• He has shared this with the world.
• Half a million people have watched this
• Despite half a million in the audience, our man is obviously very alone (mom doesn’t count)
• We have only been able to share videos of ourselves doing shit like this for a few years. This is a new phenomenon.
• Sociology. This is. Read Bowling Alone.

Marvin Fleer, you are the shining exemplar of this day and age. You are the zeitgeist. Go forth and drum forever.

 

 

The Creative Process With Mark And Dale

Dale and I collaborate on our posts (which are now written on Movie Pilot, go there and look for us), and I use legal cannabis to help with creativity. Also I’m usually gaming while Dale is writing, so… it goes hand in hand.

This text fragment is a peek into the creative process. What is art? What is life? What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me.

Mighty Dale Behaves Oddly After Too Much Revelry

Unremembered Drinking Bodes Not Well

Dale apparently crafts items for gnomes when drunk

The handiwork of a skilled artisan.

Dale Went Off The Rails

Crafted Tools For The Wee Folk

I was texting with Mighty Dale, as I do, and as we were discussing current events, he texted this non sequitur (seen above):

uh oh

The top of the Jameson bottle is off and there is lots missing

It seems that after his traditional Friday night revelries, Mighty Dale decided to keep the party going once he got home. My tastes in revelry differ from Dale’s, as I lean more towards the wonders of legal weed. Dale loves the sweet sweet whiskey. To each his own.

What makes this interesting is the assortment of little knick knacks and gadgets drunk Dale crafted, out of duct tape, while wasted. Even when three sheets to the wind, our Dale is always creating, and that is… an Artist.

Marijuana is Legal Here

I Live In Oregon

Weed is Sold in Stores

 

Last night Dale and I were texting, as we do, and he said he was bored. I had just smoked some high THC sativa (Durban Poison to be precise), and I had lots of ideas with which Dale could occupy himself. 

He did none of these things. Wise choice.

Salvador Dali Forges A Picasso

  

Orson Welles created a movie about art forgery, and deception, called F for Fake. It was about famous art forger Elmyr, and Clifford Irving, who forged Howard Hughes’ diaries, and will.

Surrealist icon Dali drew a penis on his wife’s forehead, signing it Picasso. 

Andy Warhol would sign dollar bills and soup cans, giving admirers a “signed Warhol”.

What is art? What is truth? Where is my lighter?

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 1- Thoughts

Click the pic to see the review of the penultimate episode.

Ash Vs Evil Dead

They Pulled It Off

Ash vs Evil Dead has wrapped up it’s freshman season, and goddamn was it good. This is one of the rare series where I was able to say they did everything right. The gore, the acting, the plot, the humor, this show was firing on all cylinders. It quickly went from a show I was a bit on the fence about before it started to a show that was hilarious, gory and endlessly quotable.

One thing I’ve always loved about Evil Dead is just how much it was able to shed it’s skin. Evil Dead went from a pretty straight up horror movie (cabin in the woods, young people and evil), pretty standard. It wasn’t until Evil Dead 2 that the franchise seemed to change gears and branch into horror comedy, which is the perfect place for this gem.

Season One Recap

We catch up with original franchise star Ash Williams, the genre’s douchiest final girl, and he hasn’t changed a bit. He’s the only character who would summon evil because he was high, and that be totally believable. Ash is that guy who thinks he’s the shit but is really just A shit, but that’s what makes him hilarious.

As great as Ash himself is, the real standouts here are Pablo and Kelly. Ash vs Evil dead is an ensemble show, and it works so much better than it would as Ash and Friends. Pablo’s blind loyalty to Ash was great and positioned him as a sort of Samwise to Ash’s Frodo.

Kelly’s Heroes

But in the end Dana DeLorenzo’s Kelly has emerged from season 1 as the true standout character. She was funny (watching her attempt to punt a severed head and failing miserably made me crack up), didn’t mind getting her hands dirty (watching her cut a deadite in half with an automatic weapon was sexier than anything Kim Kardashian has ever done) and tough as nails.  Plus she (the actress) is super nice and has tweeted with us several times. We love her. Yay, Dana!

If I got to hang out with Kelly I’d fight demons every goddamn day

The first season was a home run in almost every way, despite some pacing issues, and some slow episodes, which are understandable. Considering the nature of this show there’s bound to be some slower episodes.

Ruby

One aspect of the show that didn’t quite track for me was Lucy Lawless’s Ruby.  I’m sure the show meant well by including her, but she just didn’t get enough screen time to make an impact, and it took her way too long for her to connect to the rest of the story.

She always seemed on the outskirts of the story so the big reveal of her as the author of the Necronomicon didn’t have the impact it could have. Nonetheless, I’m always happy to see Lucy Lawless. She really is great. While watching the finale I could only hope that she didn’t get killed off, and she didn’t so that hopefully we’ll get to spend more time with her in the inevitable second season.

The action in this show was incredible albeit goofy as fuck. The fight in the diner in “Killer of Killers” was a particular high point as far as action is concerned. A child gets thrown into a ceiling fan, a deadite gets it’s face sliced up by a deli meat slicer, all while blood goes everywhere by the bucket load. It’s things like this that makes Ash vs Evil Dead so damn good. They are 100% willing to embrace the completely over the top, ridiculous and bloody disgusting, which are all things that make this show truly feel like the original films.

One thing I hope is that they’ll be able to work out the licensing issues with Army of Darkness so we can get a few more direct references to it, because that is truly Ash at his most outlandish.

“Pucker up and give me a kiss.”
“Fat fuckin’ chance!”

In the end the show is hilarious, has great characters, great performances and turned the gore and ridiculousness up to 11. They didn’t change Ash one little bit. He’s still as doofy, idiotic and self absorbed as he ever was. That and Bruce Campbell’s performance go a long way in connecting this show to it’s predecessor, and truly makes it feel like a proper continuation of that series.

Both Ash and Kelly were huge factors in lifting this show beyond a gore fest or nostalgia kick, and I’m really, really excited to see what’s coming in season 2.

Ash is back baby!

 

 

 

Mighty Dale Goes To The Dentist

Poor Dale Had To Endure Dentistry

The Day Before Christmas Eve

He Was… Mighty

Mighty Dale Upon Hearing He Had A Dentist Appointment

Everything Dale Does Is Epic

Including Quailing At The Thought Of The Evil Dentist Scraping and Drilling His Teeth

Mighty Dale is with is family for the holidays, so he is incommunicado, even though he saw Star Wars on zero day, and was supposed to write a post about it.. no worries. No bitterness. Things happen. Of course, nothing happened but he just flaked because his process was disturbed by guests. Whatever. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Dale’s terror. It helped.

He was ambushed with the appointment by his mother, an expert in such matters. He was already home, in his place of weakest power. What choice did he have but to submit to the torment of the evil pokey drilly things.

As this text record shows, I was his rock throughout.

GLOSSARY: Dale and I have a sort of shorthand we speak, like twins. 

Penus – Might, force, strength. Raw power

Hockey – A more specifically focused power. 

Both of these forces are portioned back and forth to whichever of us needs it at the moment. 

 

He needed fillings

Dale is big on drama

this is why I gave you the glossary

See? It’s not so bad

VICTORY

Gerard Butler has nice teeth, because he goes to the dentist.

 

Ash vs Evil Dead: Honey, I’m Home

“Honey, I’m home.”

Ash Returns To The Cabin

Not Alone

Ash Vs Evil Dead Stays Awesome

In episode 8 of season 1, our beloved Ash makes the return to the cabin where it all began. As you recall he ditched his crew after getting out the survivalist camp, fearing for their lives. Amanda followed him so he at least has backup. Ash attempts to dissuade her from helping, telling her, “Dontcha get it? Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death. Taxes. More death. And I don’t pay taxes so all I know is death.”

Ash vs Evil Dead keeps being awesome. That’s why we write about it.

Evil Dead Redux

Lots of Callbacks to the Evil Dead Movies

There’s no way to make this episode without comparison with the original Evil Dead movies. The show embraces that, making numerous references to the movies without being hamfisted. This episode felt like an extension of the movies, more than any other episode so far. Of course the cabin is a huge part of it, but the whole vibe, framing, and pacing match Sam Ramie’s films in a very accurate manner. It pulls you in wonderfully.

“Long time no see, Linda. Don’t get up.”

Brutal Brutal Brutal

This episode is the most brutal yet, in many ways (it’s no diner fight). Poor Linda (played by what I assume is a New Zealander with a passable American accent) gets it again, and not the she wanted (dirty girl).
In a very Scooby Doo way Pablo and Kelly meet up with more New Zealand people in the woods. I get it. The show films in New Zealand so why hire Americans to fill bit part, when you can hire local. They were totally good. Kelly cockblocks Pablo. I guess she has feelings after all. Luck guy, Pablo. Now seal the deal. Kelly’s sexy as hell and I love her voice.

RIP Amanda

There’s lots of visceral mayhem. Ash and Linda. Evil Ash and Amanda, Evil Ash and Ash… it’s crazy. I guess I’m getting “brutal”  particularly from the manner in which Evil Ash murders Amanda. It’s rough, but also hilarious because of what he says in the image below. Perfect delivery. Right when you’re gutshot at Amanda’s violent end, Bruce Campbell delivers a zinger that’s already on a t-shirt somewhere, I’m sure.

“Now that’s what I call cleavage.”

Kelly and Pablo To The Rescue

After Amanda eats it, Kelly and Pablo show up, only to see Good Ash with recently deceased Amanda. Words are spoken then Ash and Evil Ash have it out in a fight straight out of Mel Brooks. Two words. Soft balls.
We end with a cliffhanger, and one less hero on the team. I hope no one else dies this season. I’ve grown attached to Pablo and Kelly.
This show is fucking great, and it’s about the only thing that is, in this television wasteland.

Gaze Into The Abyss – No Good TV Until January

Slim Pickins Until Late January

December is a TV Graveyard

There is no hope. You know it. I know it. Mighty Dale knows it. The only force moving my fingers on this keyboard is duty. I must use my remaining strength to leave a message to those that follow, those who have the fortitude to last until late January for shows like:

• Supernatural
• The Walking Dead
• The Flash
• Arrow

It Gets Worse

The shows above have abandoned us, but they will return, like Papa after a long bender. They’ll be back with fried chicken and a movie from Redbox. Some, however, are like mama. They just left with only a nicotine stained kiss that you barely remember, because you were asleep. Here are the fuckers who just bailed.

• You’re The Worst – Season 2 is over.
• South Park – Season 19 is over.

Sunbeams are just God pissing on us all

The most despicable of all teasing whores is yet to come. Game of Thrones, that hot girl who lived with you for a few weeks last year, and  was the filthiest, sluttiest, dirty talkingest chick in the whole world. Where every night was a threesome with her even hotter friend? Yeah. Then she bounced with your Xbox and your brother’s ashes…. yeah. That’s Game of Thrones. That bitch will be back in April. Right after you can look yourself in the mirror again and say that it’s gonna be ok. She’ll be back and she’ll pierce your dick with her vampire fangs, and you’ll love it.

I know there’s one episode of Z Nation left, but that’s like having one beer in the fridge. Ash vs Evil Dead can’t do it alone, even though it’s great. It’s only half an hour long, and once a week. That’s like …. I can’t even come up with a simile. It’s not enough. It just isn’t. I’m going to start listening to Adele I guess. Fuck it.

Might as well just watch NCIS, or JAG, or … shit I don’t know. Cooking shows, I guess. There’s a shit load of them. That big headed chick with the tits is hot… I guess…. I’m going to lay down for a awhile. Wake me next month.

MiniFig Flying Hellfish Reunion

The newspaper and fish bowl make it.

Lego Simpsons

Minifigs From My Friend

My friend Adam came home today and just handed these to me. “Merry Christmas!” he said. I was elated. Not just at the surprise gifts, but at the details.

I am an old Gen X dude. I remember the Simpsons when they were fucking funny. Yes. Back in my day. I know. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

This was my profile pic on Facebook for awhile.

Old Man Yells At Cloud

Abe Simpson holds a newspaper that says, ‘Old Man Yells At Cloud’ with his picture. Brilliant. The faces are super perfectly detailed. I am not a Lego person, being an adult male, but these are cool as hell.

Three Eyed Fish & Plutonium Rod

Mr. Burns is another winner. The little fishbowl is so tiny yet so detailed. Mighty Dale lost his shit when I sent him the pic of my prizes. Apparently they hold some appeal to people. It’s ok. They’re not going anywhere.

They have become… precious… to me.