My friend Adam told me this story, about fifteen minutes ago. Legal marijuana was involved. I typed it up on my phone, as he was speaking. It’s gold.
In the three months I was kinda in a band, we were playing in the garage and Danny Morse, our shithead drummer, gets up from his kit, to go to the bathroom.
He comes back holding a stack of coffee filters, in one hand, out in front of him.
He said, “I shit in this. Let’s go rub it on a pay phone.”
So we drive to the nearest Payphone, which was like fifteen miles away (this is in rural Oregon, Willamette Valley). We’re all in this 1960’s Dodge van, with this fresh turd, and we get to the Plaid Pantry, and he just picks up the handset and just smooshes it in the shit, and hangs it back up.
He was holding it exactly like this.
Kate is Mark’s ex so that was awkward
Have you watched You’re The Worst? It’s hilarious. Do it.
Bruce Campbell. He’s awesome
Hail to the chief, baby
Mark: I don’t give a fuck, dipping your fries in your [milk]shake is awful, and inhuman. Hang your head(s) in shame. Do something awesome like heroin instead [Don’t do heroin kids. It’s bad because it’s so awesome].
Dale: Mark enjoys
Mark: I do. That last one was me. I was gonna tweet it but [the] last time I was myself on Twitter, people contacted [my ex] and asked if I was ok.
Dale: You’re just a special fellow, friend.
Mark: I know. I am just shy of being a talent, so I’m a …. special fellow.
Dale: No, friend. You are not a talent. You are a treasure. [Awww, Dale. You’re so nice]
Mark: Awwww, that’s so nice, it makes me want heroin. 🙂 [Mark deals with praise by deflecting]
Dale: Yes. I rematch the Craig/Tweek [Yaoi] South Park episode. It makes me all fuzzy. Soon I’ll return to You’re the Worst [The Mark was watching during this conversation] and become a scumbag again.
Mark: Lovely. I just scratched my back with a fork. I will watch another episode. [Always a gentleman]
Dale: I use my Halloween Wolverine claws for my back [Do not forget that humans are domesticated apes]. Tonight. Fargo. Bruce Campbell as President Reagan.
Mark: No. Way.
Dale: Yes, friend. Soon I will watch.