Supernatural – Golden Girls And Dick Jokes

golden girls humor supernatural winchester mildred

Let’s get that poncho off and start oiling the old glove.

Supernatural Review

Into The Mystic

Mildred. Her name was Mildred. She was a sunny, sexy, senior in Oak Park Retirement Home. Although her name implies that she is a Confederate widow of dour countenance, she is actually pretty and sparkly, and totally doable. Ah, Mildred. Dean should have given you the old Blanche Deveraux (which is 2 parts Blanche DuBois to 1 part Vivian Vance). That may not make sense, but neither does Supernatural. If you get anywhere near it with a critical eye, you immediately start bashing your head against the wall, like the victims in tonight’s episode </segue> which is entitled “Into The Mystic” because, fuck it… Van Morrison is Irish, kinda, and banshees are Irish, or Scottish… whatever. I digress.

supernatural viagra banshee dean joke

Agent Osbourne tells a dick joke.

Agents Osbourne and Butler

The monster of this week is a Banshee. Check your Supernatural bingo card, and if you have Banshee, you win a nonexistent toaster (one winner per household. No habla Sumerian). The episode opens on the Irish moor of yore (30 years yore anyway), where we see a young father of a baby doting upon same.
Door opens mom comes home, happy family, dancing, laughing… banshee. Dad hears a terrible shrieking sound (no, not Metal Machine Music, although nice reference), loses his shit, bashes his head against the wall, while mom books it to the kitchen, where she earnestly gathers a bunch of things that will be used to banish the Banshee. Bansheegone. Banishes banshees beautifully. Buy some now.
Mom isn’t quick enough, Dad dies of self inflicted cranial trauma, and a scary floaty witchy specter appears, and starts consuming dad’s braaaaaaains. Mom finally gets all the shit for the spell, and proceeds to open her arm and bleed out, when all she needed to was slice her palm. Bad judgement in the heat of the moment. She somehow bleeds out in moments, even though that’s not what would happen in real… no no we don’t do that. Anyway, banshee is banished in a flash, dad’s dead and mom dies shortly thereafter. Baby cries, bereft of family. An orphan. And, scene.

30 Years Later

Sam is moping around the bunker, consumed with guilt over not trying to save Dean when he was trapped in Purgatory. Remember that with the vampire from the Bi-you?

Lucifer got in Sam’s head and Dean tries to distract Sam with a case. Luckily there’s one only 15 minutes away. Lucifer ex Machina, indeed.

So detectives Osbourne and Butler (Black Sabbath reference) go to the nicest old folks home in the world, to investigate a possible monster.

Upon arrival at the retirement home the boys upgrade the possible monster to definite banshee.

The victim (Harold) was in a locked room and bashed his own brains out, while screaming, “Get it out of my head!”

No, he wasn’t talking about Ice Ice Baby (although that’s now in your head). The sinister banshee emits a shriek that’s only heard by the intended victim. We learned this when the banshee took her next victim, the manager of the retirement home. He was speaking with the GMILF-y Mildred when he did the old, “Get it out of my head” bit before smashing through a window, and falling to his death. Mildred saw the banshee feed upon the brains of the decedent.  Banshee looks up and sees Mildred. Uh oh. Now we know who’s next.

supernatural tv show review banshee sam and deaf hunter

Gotcha, Motherfucker (but not quite as distinct)

A Nice Choice

While investigating the death of Andrew (the second guy who died) Sam interviews Marlene, a maid who is deaf. Why does that matter? It doesn’t really, but it’s a cool direction for the show to take. Turns out (spoiler) she’s a hunter. In fact she’s the baby in the crib at the start of the show (from 30 years ago). The banshee made her deaf, but she was rescued by an Irish hunter, who raised her, and trained her in the ways of hunting. She’s down a major sense and she still kicks ass. Turns out (while chatting w/ Sam) that her late grandfather was a Man of Letters, which makes her a Legacy.  Very cool. Could they be setting up the groundwork for a spin off?

Now we have three hunters on the case. You may notice that Marlene is wielding a gold blade (she’s threatening Sam because she thought he and Dean were Banshees due to lip reading and context). That’s what kills banshees. In this scene Dean has popped back to the bunker to get some gold blades. While he’s there he runs into….

castiel lucifer dean men of letters bunker amara darkness

Oh Dean, Casifer is gonna use you to get Amara.

Casifer Rising

Castiel, who is possessed by Lucifer (we’ll call them Casifer), is at the Men of Letters bunker looking for clues on how to tackle the Darkness, because he obviously has no idea. I love Cas playing Lucifer playing Cas. I got bored with Castiel seasons ago, but this is great.

Dean confides to Casifer that he is drawn to Amara and the pull is getting stronger. Casifer files that tidbit away in his “Use this to screw Dean over” folder, and then we’re back to the banshee jamboree. As stays behind.

Dean is introduced to Marlene (it’s not her real name but I couldn’t quite hear it so Marlene it is) and then he, Marlene, and Sam work to protect Mildred from the impending Banshee. The girls objectify the boys in a way that if that tables were turned, all the SJWs on Tumblr would explode and coat the earth with self righteous slime. Anyhow, the girls think the boys are cute. Mildred openly comes on to Dean, who begs off. Why? Because he’s decent? No. Mildred susses it out. It’s because he’s SMITTEN with the DARKNESS. This is known as foreshadowing. It means you cast four shadows, like if you were on Tatooine (nerd rage in 3,2,1…)

The banshee comes but…. it’s Dean who is the target! Chaos, bleeding eyes, “get it out of my head”, smash smash.. then…. teamwork as Mildred uses her blood to charge the sigil which binds the banshee. Banshee gets ganked by Marlene, and scene.

Takeaways

There are a few things that were revealed/alluded to in this episode that bear closer examination.

  • Dean is increasingly drawn to Amara, not unlike the call of the Mark of Cain from last season. He’s gonna bounce soon. Probably in time for the cliffhanger season finale.
  • Casifer is fishing for ways to deal with Amara. Not because he is true to his word, but because if she destroys everything, that will include him. Casifer will use Dean somehow to draw out Amara.
  • There are now 3 legacy Men of Letters. I bet there are talks about a spinoff regarding the MoL, or at least they’re testing the waters.
  • Only you can prevent forest fires, so stop starting forest fires.
  • This joke (below)
supernatural dean winchester

Nicely done, Dean.

I really liked this episode, from the dick joke, to the deaf hunter, to sweet ass Mildred, to Casifer. It worked the way it should. No Crowley, Rowena, Angels, Heaven, any of that tired old noise. Just the brothers fighting monsters. And Casifer doing his thing. Good times. Can’t wait for next week.

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The Flash: The Reverse Flash Returns

flash barry allen reverse eobard cw superhero review

“This is his origin story”

The Flash Review

Dale’s Take On This Week’s Episode

That’s right folks, Tuesday’s episode of The Flash brought the return of the dreaded Reverse Flash, Barry’s mortal enemy.  Was it a resounding success? Not necessarily, but it did strike some excellent notes, so lets talk about it.

Barry’s A Dick

Ok, so when we get into this episode we’re still in the midst of the devastating breakup between Barry, and Patty (who is perfect and pure). That further proves that Barry is so bad at lying that it often makes him look like kind of an asshole. Patty has basically told him to stop her from leaving Central City to attend CSI school. She spilled her heart about how much she wants to be with him, but he coldly rebuked her, in favor of the same tired lie.

Barry, I get it. You must protect the ones you love, don’t let the bad guys use them against you, blah blah blah blah. Watching him tell Patty that he isn’t the Flash in the face of her completely breaking down emotionally, and even after she’s figured it out on her own, was idiotic and frankly, cruel. For the first time since this show began I texted my friend, and co author Mark, with the simple phrase “Barry’s a dick.”

Barry has been one of the more charming characters in the CW’s DCU, it’s also a miracle that Barry has had relationships at all, considering he is comically bad at talking to women. Watching Patty break down in Barry’s lab was heart breaking, and that’s a testament to Shantel VanSanten’s talent as an actress and much much more than a pretty face (and everything else). She really sold that scene for me, so good job Shantel. You nailed it.

Which brings me to my next point. The end of this episode brought us to Patty leaving Central City. Shantel VanSanten has been a shining star in season 2 and it’s really a shame to see her go and hopefully she won’t be gone for too long. Patty Spivot/Shantel VanSanten, you will be missed. I suspect this is just a move to prolong the Ross/Rachel will they/won’t they tension. It’s cheap. Hackneyed, even.

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I’ll date you Patty, I’ll wear ugly sweaters with you and tell you all my secrets, they aren’t very interesting but i’ll tell them to you

The Actual Plot

Moving on, the Reverse Flash’s return was bound to make some waves in Barry’s world. When it comes down to it, his return wasn’t a fast paced action thriller. It packed more of an emotional punch. 

Origin of the Reverse Flash

We got a good origin story for Reverse Flash, having now seen the moment when he discovers Barry’s identity, and how to hurt him.

Eobard Thawne was portrayed as being a childish person, who only dislikes Flash because he was obsessed with the Flash as a child and could not be him. So he instead decided to become the reverse of everything Flash stands for. Dumb, even for a comic book show.

Barry’s fight with Reverse Flash was truly badass. Barry beat the shit out of Eobard, and decisively defeated him, before bringing him back to Star Labs.

It really hit Barry in the gut when Flash had to let Reverse Flash go, in order to save Cisco. Barry finally capturing him and locking him up only to have to let him go back to his own time in order to fix the time line and save Cisco’s life… that’s going to eat at him. 

In releasing Reverse Flash, the man who killed Barry’s mother, we get a huge blow for Barry. It calks back to what Harrison Wells says in the video message to Barry. He will never be truly happy, which brings us back to the Patty situation. 

Barry loved and was loved. He was happy with Patty,and he let her go to continue to be Flash and protect her life.  

If it was Reverse Flash’s goal to ruin Barry and keep him from ever being happy, he’s won. Without using any powers he’s won.

matt-letscher-reverse-flash-cw-eobard

Eobard + Barry sittin’ in a tree R-U-N-N-I-N-G


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…and Meg

We had a few subplots in this episode. One involved Cisco, as he, and Harrison Wells, worked together to get Cisco’s vibes under control. That resulted in Cisco getting the Vibe goggles, controlling a vibe, and looking into the future.

Cisco haa taken a big step toward becoming Vibe. It was actually pretty damn cool, and will definitely help team Flash in the future.

 The other subplot was much less interesting. It was Caitlyn’s attempt to find Jay Garrick’s Earth 1 doppleganger, in order to use his cells to replace Jay’s dying cells. This resulted in a big bomb being dropped.  Jay’s Earth 1 doppleganger is not named Jay Garrick at all, but Hunter Zolomon, which in the comics is the true identity of Zoom.

Since this show has strayed significantly from the comics, which in my opinion is a good thing, I can’t see Hunter Zolomon being related in any way to Zoom. If he does it will simply be bad story telling. 

Zoom has been such a frightening and intimidating villain this season, that to introduce his true identity as somebody we’ve never met before, this late in the game would be story suicide. 

Zoom’s identity needs to have a huge impact on the Flash universe. It has to be somebody with gravitas.

I’m predicting Earth 2 Barry, Joe or Henry Allen. Maybe  even Earth 2 Eddie.

the-flash-season-2-zoom-eobard

So, overall this episode was pretty good, albeit way too light on arc advancement. It was definitely a worthy episode, however, it is time to bring Zoom back into the forefront. I wouldn’t mind seeing a few more appearances by some of the other Rogues, Grodd, Weather Wizard, and obviously King Shark, considering we only got a glimpse of him in his first appearance. 

See you next week!