Lighten Up, SJWs. It’s Just A Movie

jj abrams star wars

The Wisdom of Mighty Dale

The Star Wars Racism Argument Is Baloney

“Can you really blame them, guys? I think I speak for every white male when I say I wouldn’t want my daughter breeding with a stormtrooper, either. Can stormtroopers even get women pregnant? They can’t hit anything else for shit.”

Words from Mighty Dale to soothe an angry nation.

The Force is Strong with this One

star wars battlefront beta review

Beta Review

[NOTE: This was written when Beta was still open, and I was young, and flushed with enthusiasm. The Beta is now closed. Life is pointless.]

Guys, the Star Wars Battlefront beta is nearly closed, that’s why I felt the need to finally post my thoughts of it. To be honest, I was blown away.  The Walker Assault game mode is  the most pure fun I’ve had playing a game in some time, and I’ve already reviewed some good ones.

star wars battlefront beta at-at both attack gameplay

The AT-AT’s are incredible.

Where It’s AT-AT

In Walker Assault you will play as either the Rebel Alliance or the Galactic Empire. If you choose the rebels the mission of you and your comrades is to activate relays, in order to call in your Y-Wings to bomb the ever living fuck out of the Imperial AT-AT’s, That is no easy task. The forces of the Galactic Empire will be determined to stop you, and the Empire will bring all their forces to bear on the rebel scum (yes, you will find yourself shouting that at your TV screen way more than you want to). These forces include AT-AT walkers, AT-ST’s, Tie fighters, Tie Fighter Interceptors and occasionally Lord Vader himself.

The most fun thing about Walker Assault is the fact that it is pure and utter anarchy. When you drop in, especially as an Imperial Storm Trooper, you find yourself in the snow staring up at a lumbering AT-AT, which looks ENORMOUS. When you finally get into the fight it’s mayhem. Think of the Omaha Beach scene in Saving Private Ryan. Like that.

Now one great thing about Battlefront is the use of vehicles. it gives the battle a potent sense of danger when you look around and see AT-AT’s firing their cannons, calling in orbital strikes… blaster fire is flying all over the place, tie fighters and X-wings are strafing and bombing the battle field, and chasing each other around, and crashing inches away from you. It certainly makes you feel like you are neck deep in a raging battle.

But Wait, There’s More

The experience is made even better by being able to pickup special objects and power ups. Whether it be a mounted machine gun blaster, an imploding grenade or a hero pickup, it certainly makes the game brim with possibilities. Especially the hero pickups. When you snag your first one, and are able to take control of either Luke Skywalker, or Darth Vader, the feeling is exhilarating. You run around with your lightsaber blocking blaster shots and watching your enemies fearfully try to escape you before you force choke their ass, while lifting their soon to be lifeless meat bag into the air,. All the while you probably laugh maniacally and terrify your neighbors. Maybe that’s why my neighbors never speak to me. The heroes are tough and it takes team work to take one down, but goddamn being one is fun.

hoth battlefront vader gameplay

Gamers, I give you, your oh shit moment

Now, the other game modes are ok. The defend the pod multiplayer, and the survival mode, are good,  but really the Walker Assault game mode is the strongest aspect of this game.

November 17 Release

I can’t wait for the full game to come out! I can’t wait to pick it up and play some of the single player battles, and play more of the Walker Assault game mode on other planets, and in different environments. Judging by what I saw this game should be in every collection, and every kid’s Christmas list this year. it’s fun as hell and intense as hell, enjoy boys and girls and in the heat of battle remember: