That Time Dale Played Hockey With The Old Spice Guy

mighty dale hockey weekend warriors 2012

Much hockey was played. My might increased.

Isaiah Mustafa vs Dale of the Dead

Played The Manliest of Games Together

Mighty Dale loves hockey, plays hockey, and is in fact the living avatar of hockey. He “is” hockey.  Being on the ice is a meditative practice not unlike the warrior monks of Shaolin.

Back in 2012 Dale’s played with the Weekend Warriors, which is too good for the NHL. Too good of shape, as Peter Griffin says. Well, the Weekend Warriors had as one of their members, the Old Spice Guy. Not Terry Crews (I’d love to see his crazy ass on the ice), but the genteel one, Isaiah Mustafa.

This is the only picture we have of that moment that was useable. The rest were too blurry. They played with such ferocity they warped time, like the Flash. This was a brief moment of respite.

NHL 16 – Go Puck Yourself

hockey nhl16 ea sports game review xbox

Hockey is man’s highest calling

NHL 16 Xbox One

Game Review

Today guys and girls we’re here to discuss NHL 16, the newest installment of EA sports’s annual NHL series. I’m happy to report that, overall,  the game is a return to form, after the disastrous NHL 15 . No more classic game modes like EASHL stripped,and replaced with Hockey Ultimate Team.  NHL 16 is fun, and the controls work well, so let’s get into the meat of the game.

There Is Much Hockey

The game looks absolutely incredible, from the reflections on fresh ice to the jerseys flowing as you skate, its a beautiful constructed game, much like NHL 15, only this time the great look of the game has functionality to go along with it, it truly does create the perfect atmosphere, with the great look, the roaring fans and even mascots for hype purposes the game truly creates a potent desire to be competitive and to create spectacular plays. One are the game could improve is the fans, any of us who have been to a hockey game knows that fans react in certain ways to certain situations, elevating their cheers when a solid play creates a big chance, and sounds of disappointment when on that chance the puck sails wide or the opposing goaltender makes an incredible save, fan reactions need to be shown and heard to give weight to the proceedings on the ice. I was sad to hear that this game had very few changes from NHL 15 in the commentating department, just Eddie Olczyk and Doc Emrick saying the same shit they said in NHL 15.


Dangle, Drag, and Deke

Now on to the gameplay itself, the game works extremely well in my opinion, passing is crisp and often works, unlike NHL 15 where it seems pucks would often miss the mark for no reason, or just sail past the player you were trying to feed, in 16 you can actually defend the dreaded cross crease pass, where as in NHL 15 it was very difficult because often if you parked a player in-between the two offensive players on either side of the goaltender the pass would go right through and boom, goal horn, unfortunately the cross crease pass, if completed is still a trump card that goes in almost every time and is way, way overused, and immensely frustrating.  Unfortunately, EA Sports is a still a company that loves highlight reel hockey and caters the game to those who love to deke and dangle their way across the ice and through defensemen and sadly EA creates NHL games that reward the flashy players over those that play responsible hockey, hey EA, there’s a reason that when players dangle, toe drag and deke their way to a goal in the real NHL its so special and needs to be replayed over and over again, because it doesn’t work anywhere even half as often as it happens in your games.


Y’All Are Babies

Sadly, there is one fatal flaw in NHL 16, and in all NHL games, that really hold them back from being great. It’s something EA will NEVER be able to fix and that is, the people who play them.

The people who play NHL games online are some of the biggest fuck faces i’ve encountered in my entire life. I know, I know. You meet douchebags in every game.  True. NHL games are full of them, people who seem to believe that they can’t lose and always deserve a win, to the extent that the majority will just rage quit when losing, I have a personal policy that I NEVER rage quit, ever, I’ve played sports, I still play sports, I come from a family of people who play sports, and I understand that in real sports you can never walk off the field just because you’re losing, it’s pathetic, I wouldn’t be able to have self respect if I walked off because I’m losing, this behavior is the product of spoiled American kids who get a trophy just for showing up and who’s parents spew bullshit like “everyone’s a winner”, no, not everyone’s a winner, people lose frequently, this creates a generation of people who now believe that they are entitled to the win and can’t accept even the possibility of losing. Seriously though, I’ve never been called so many shitty names before in my life, every time I log in and sit down for a game I prepare to basically get abused, in one week of online play I was referred to as a pussy, f***ot, n***er and a slew of other words simply for beating somebody, one guy even called me a pussy for not turning my mic on, “turn your mic on pussy, you’re a f***ot man, you’re a fucking f***ot”, I’m not the one who’s trying to talk to anonymous men on the internet buddy. Seriously though, I can’t stress enough how moronic most of the people who play this game are, unsportsmanlike conduct for all of them.

rangers salute

Mighty Dale Rules

in conclusion, if you’re a hockey fan this is definitely a game you need in your collection, everything works better than NHL 15, it looks really good and plays excellently, a few hiccups aside, its a good game and you’ll have a lot of fun playing it, just plug in, sit down, make plays and lighten the fuck up, Kirk out.